Miscellaneous funny, nice, happy, uplifting stuff.
- Thread starter HSanders HSanders
- Start date
And on the parts of the country where shit like this happens all too frequently.
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the office. The auditor isn’t surprised when Grandpa shows up with his attorney.The auditor says, “Sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle with no full-time employment, which you claim is funded by gambling. That’s hard to believe.”Grandpa smiles. “I’m a great gambler. I can prove it. How about a demonstration?”The auditor agrees.“I’ll bet you a thousand dollars I can bite my own eye.” The auditor takes the bet.Grandpa pops out his glass eye and bites it. The auditor is stunned.“I’ll bet you two thousand I can bite my other eye.” Certain Grandpa isn’t blind, the auditor agrees. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, without spilling a drop.”The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly pull this off, so he agrees again.Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he cannot make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.“Not really,” the attorney says. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you’d be happy about it.”
