Miscellaneous funny, nice, happy, uplifting stuff.

LordSensei1958 said:

View: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=759906263825990&__cft__%5B0%5D=AZY2r_nswkVWrCKXjD5_2UoI-Hses4lpErJ2CY_N3TLQ_UDmkfDQXjenaGIvHyTrux2HyDGbDNbpHciIicMu-rKCtT92fQwK04z6mTvXjxkM2JgUbfgqUxLOdH3aoc7NbmgURIhUYQ9NKiH-Mz4ujQDN_xN1U5Hpa-VOc9Vohlduu-BlXM4PAP7g-AkXsgsC0r3s5wyfbmgfuweBJWHX_f2Z&__tn__=%2CO%2CP-R
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So Close GIF by Carlos Whittaker
 
A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday...They arrive at the club, and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before."Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?""Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says, "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.
 

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A man works as a train driver in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep at the controls and accidentally runs over someone walking on the tracks. He’s arrested, goes to trial, and is sentenced to death.On death row, the executioner asks him, “What would you like for your last meal?”“I’d like a banana,” the man says.The executioner finds it strange but shrugs and brings him a banana. The man eats it, is strapped into the electric chair, and the switch is flipped.Nothing happens.In Bulgaria, a failed execution is considered an act of divine intervention, and the man is released.A few months later, the man is driving trains again for a different company. Unfortunately, old habits die hard. He falls asleep at the controls once more, this time killing two people. He’s arrested, tried, and sentenced to death again.Back on death row, the same executioner approaches him.“You again? What do you want for your last meal this time?”“Two bananas, please.”Shaking his head, the executioner gives him the bananas. The man eats them, is strapped into the chair, and the switch is flipped.Nothing happens.Once again, the man walks free.Months pass. One day, the executioner is stunned to see the same man back on death row for a third time, this time for running over three people with a train.The executioner approaches him cautiously. “Let me guess. Three bananas?”“Actually, yes! How did you know?”“That’s it,” says the executioner. “This has gone on long enough. No bananas this time.”The man is strapped into the electric chair with no last meal. The switch is flipped.Nothing happens.“I don’t understand!” the executioner shouts. “You didn’t eat any bananas!”The man sighs and says,“It’s not the bananas. I’m just a bad conductor.”
 
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